BEFORE YOU TRY TO FIX YOURSELF AGAIN

Pause.

Look around.

Look at the room.

The relationship.

The institution.

The expectations.

The pace.

The repeated contradiction.

The conditions your body enters every day.

Consider the possibility that your response contains information.

Consider the possibility that you have been trying to think your way out of something while remaining inside the environment teaching your body to expect it.

Consider what might become visible if the conditions changed.

Your environment matters.

Stop looking inward.

Your Environment Matters

Stop Looking Inward

Hourly Mentoring

&

Embodied Educational Experiences

Inquire Now
Some more old writing
Some more old writing
Mono no Aware (物の哀れ) and the Tenderness of Impermanence What if sadness is not something to fix? What if it is evidence that you were paying attention? That something mattered. That you loved. That you understood, even for a moment, that nothing s
Mono no Aware (物の哀れ) and the Tenderness of Impermanence What if sadness is not something to fix? What if it is evidence that you were paying attention? That something mattered. That you loved. That you understood, even for a moment, that nothing stays. In Japan, there is a concept for this: mono no aware — a tender awareness of impermanence and the bittersweet beauty of things precisely because they do not last. Cherry blossoms are beautiful because they fall. Autumn leaves move us because they are already disappearing. A moment becomes precious because it cannot be held forever. This is radically different from a culture obsessed with fixing, regulating, reframing, optimizing, and escaping every uncomfortable emotion. Grief is love with nowhere to go. Longing means something touched you deeply. The ache is part of the beauty. What if the goal is not to transcend the feeling, But to become capable of staying present with life while it changes. I wrote much more about mono no aware, impermanence, Japanese aesthetics, Buddhism, literature, cinema, and the cultural obsession with “fixing” emotional discomfort on Substack. Full essay https://tellishale.substack.com/.../mono-no-aware-and-the... And this is exactly the kind of cultural depth we will explore during the Japan Sakura & Goshuin Experience — April 2027. **Women only. Japan. Spring 2027.** Waitlist now open - DM for more info Emerald Goddess International Your Environment Matters | Stop Looking Inward #japan #experience #travelling #explore #learning
This was a kick ass day 🤍
This was a kick ass day 🤍
Even when it makes me sad I am always provided with all the information I need. People show me exactly what I can expect of them. Some simply want access, attention, and admiration. Well, no. Fuck that. Fuck no. I will never ever settle for
Even when it makes me sad I am always provided with all the information I need. People show me exactly what I can expect of them. Some simply want access, attention, and admiration. Well, no. Fuck that. Fuck no. I will never ever settle for the bare minimum of breadcrumbs ever again. Not in life. Not in business. Not in friendship. Not in love. I know what I give. I know what I deserve. I know what I desire.
✌️💋
✌️💋
They tried! EVERYTHING!!! #freedom #free #life #love #guide
They tried! EVERYTHING!!! #freedom #free #life #love #guide
A tiny angel perched upon my shoulder, taking the form of an energy, an energy watching me, guarding me, loving me. Your physical form has ceased to exist, but your spiritual existence still goes on. In another dimension, another world, your love st
A tiny angel perched upon my shoulder, taking the form of an energy, an energy watching me, guarding me, loving me. Your physical form has ceased to exist, but your spiritual existence still goes on. In another dimension, another world, your love still guides me. Your strength is building within me, pushing me forward, pushing me to great things: strength, knowledge, wisdom, and the power that these embrace. You were my best friend. You instilled values, morals, and offered endless encouragement and support. Your love unconditional and endless, and for this reason, I cannot believe that your love has ceased. Your love did not die with you, but continues on with your soul. This I must believe, for without this belief, I would be faced with another great loss, that of both your physical and spiritual existence. I miss you, Dad, so much that words cannot express. So much it physically hurts. The thoughts and memories take over my mind like a tidal wave. Sometimes I smile, but mostly I cry. Sadness takes over at the reality, the reality that you are gone, the reality that I cannot call you.
THROWBACK. From the Snapchat Archives. What a journey! And how useless any of those Spanish classes have been 🤣
THROWBACK. From the Snapchat Archives. What a journey! And how useless any of those Spanish classes have been 🤣
Meanwhile…. LOL. From the Snapchat archives. My silly son having fun @king_chimp5
Another Excerpt ;)
Another Excerpt ;)
Excerpt from an old journaling entry I came across yesterday. I remember what it was like. Living in a constant state of eggshell walking and fear. I remember the process of unlearning and learning anew. And I now wake up every day with none of it.
Excerpt from an old journaling entry I came across yesterday. I remember what it was like. Living in a constant state of eggshell walking and fear. I remember the process of unlearning and learning anew. And I now wake up every day with none of it. There is nobody in my life that I tip toe around. There is no anger in my home. No interrogation. No insults. No projected accusations. No smashed phones. No black eyes….. the list goes on. And it was built little by little. Now fiercely protected! NOW: if I ever feel like I need to silence myself, shrink myself, question myself in any kind of dynamic - I am out. Completely. Immediately. It took time to get here. It took learning about boundaries and it took practicing them. It all begins with boundaries. Understanding where I end and you begin. Knowing that when my tummy knots, or my spine shivers, or even if I cannot name it something just feels off, these are messages that require my immediate attention. Pattern recognition is powerful and potent and mine is on fuckn point! It always was, I just needed to learn how to trust myself again after years of communications like this that would send my entire body into alarm. The anxiety. The fear. The obsessive thinking about how someone might respond. To be fair I was under constant surveillance and threat of being hauled into court again for anything and everything - in fact my journals were stolen as “evidence” once turning even my most private vulnerable states of mind into ammunition against me. Always the threat of my children behind everything. Boundaries can feel very fucking difficult to set when your nervous system has learned that keeping other people happy keeps you safe. But now? No attachment to the outcome. No fear of the response. No compulsion to explain myself into being understood. No abandoning myself to maintain connection. Just information. Discernment. A decision. Healthy, solid boundaries are not walls. They are what happens when your Body says no and you have finally learned to trust it. First we must learn to recognize the signs, listen to signals our body has been sending us, and then be brave enough to choose ourselves.
India. Ellora (600–1000 CE) & Ajanta (2nd century BCE to 6th century CE) caves. Rock cut temple and monastery complexes carved directly into the cliffs. Ajanta is renowned for its ancient Buddhist paintings and sculpture, while Ellora brin
India. Ellora (600–1000 CE) & Ajanta (2nd century BCE to 6th century CE) caves. Rock cut temple and monastery complexes carved directly into the cliffs. Ajanta is renowned for its ancient Buddhist paintings and sculpture, while Ellora brings Buddhist, Hindu, and Jain traditions together—including the astonishing Kailasa Temple, carved from a single mass of rock. And the mini Taj Mahal, Bibi Ka Maqbara; built in the 17th century by Prince Azam Shah in memory of his mother, Dilras Banu Begum. I was constantly asked to take photos with people and eventually was like hey I want photos too! Lol.
@clintjak 12 yrs ago, in the basement of Martensville house “Tash, I need a New Life….” Magic School Bus days no more LMFAO. 😭💕 I love you.❤️
@clintjak 12 yrs ago, in the basement of Martensville house “Tash, I need a New Life….” Magic School Bus days no more LMFAO. 😭💕 I love you.❤️
I knew I wasn’t running away. I always knew I was running toward something . I just couldn’t tell what it was. Scoffingly told “You just take yourself with you wherever you go…” Turns out that was all I ever needed.
I knew I wasn’t running away. I always knew I was running toward something . I just couldn’t tell what it was. Scoffingly told “You just take yourself with you wherever you go…” Turns out that was all I ever needed. I knew only two things with any certainty: I needed to go to Mexico with my father, and I needed to drive to Cancún. I left eveything and everyone behind and finally left. Behind me addiction and recovery, violence, motherhood, homelessness, an unlikely journey from high-school dropout to graduate school, and finally the collapse of the academic future I had spent years building. Mexico wasn’t an escape. I just didn’t yet understand that Mexico was a return. long drives south with my father, time spent in Tijuana, and a little girl who had once experienced belonging there she’d never felt anywhere else. Only now realizing just how deeply affected I was not only by the loss of my father but the experiences of love & community I was forbidden from returning to. Twenty years since his death I finally carried him back to Mexico. And somewhere along the way, I began to understand what I had been running toward.
My dad wrote this one. It was always my favorite. And I always had so much fun writing it out - I apparently used that black transfer paper (can’t think of name right now). I was always up to something!!
My dad wrote this one. It was always my favorite. And I always had so much fun writing it out - I apparently used that black transfer paper (can’t think of name right now). I was always up to something!!
Some more old writing Mono no Aware (物の哀れ) and the Tenderness of Impermanence What if sadness is not something to fix? What if it is evidence that you were paying attention? That something mattered. That you loved. That you understood, even for a moment, that nothing s This was a kick ass day 🤍 Even when it makes me sad I am always provided with all the information I need. People show me exactly what I can expect of them. Some simply want access, attention, and admiration. Well, no. Fuck that. Fuck no. I will never ever settle for ✌️💋 They tried! EVERYTHING!!! #freedom #free #life #love #guide A tiny angel perched upon my shoulder, taking the form of an energy, an energy watching me, guarding me, loving me. Your physical form has ceased to exist, but your spiritual existence still goes on. In another dimension, another world, your love st THROWBACK. From the Snapchat Archives. What a journey! And how useless any of those Spanish classes have been 🤣
Meanwhile…. LOL. From the Snapchat archives. My silly son having fun @king_chimp5
Another Excerpt ;) Excerpt from an old journaling entry I came across yesterday. I remember what it was like. Living in a constant state of eggshell walking and fear. I remember the process of unlearning and learning anew. And I now wake up every day with none of it. India. Ellora (600–1000 CE) & Ajanta (2nd century BCE to 6th century CE) caves. Rock cut temple and monastery complexes carved directly into the cliffs. Ajanta is renowned for its ancient Buddhist paintings and sculpture, while Ellora brin @clintjak 12 yrs ago, in the basement of Martensville house “Tash, I need a New Life….” Magic School Bus days no more LMFAO. 😭💕 I love you.❤️ I knew I wasn’t running away. I always knew I was running toward something . I just couldn’t tell what it was. Scoffingly told “You just take yourself with you wherever you go…” Turns out that was all I ever needed. My dad wrote this one. It was always my favorite. And I always had so much fun writing it out - I apparently used that black transfer paper (can’t think of name right now). I was always up to something!!

EMERALD GODDESS INTERNATIONAL

Private Mentoring

Sometimes you simply need an hour with someone who can see the bigger picture, help you ask the right questions, identify what is getting tangled so you move forward with clarity.

Private Mentoring offers focused, one-to-one access to my experience supporting people through relationships, loss, strategy, education, business, writing, research, and major life or professional transitions.

Bring the question, the problem, the file, the situation, the draft, the idea, or the mess.

We work from there.

What We Can Work On

Your mentoring time can be used for focused support with:

  • Legal files, case preparation, and organizing complex information

  • Academic research, writing, and project direction

  • Grant, scholarship, and proposal development

  • Professional, business, and creative strategy

  • Developing courses, programs, or educational offerings

  • Processing grief, loss, and major life changes

  • Understanding trauma and its impact on your life, relationships, or decisions

  • Addiction, recovery, and rebuilding stability

  • Parenting challenges, family dynamics, and communication

  • Navigating difficult personal or professional transitions

  • Clarifying ideas, emotions, or situations that feel scattered, complicated, or difficult to articulate

  • Preparing for difficult conversations or important decisions

  • Focused problem-solving, planning, and next steps

Mentoring Options

1 Hour — $100
Best for one focused question, conversation, review, or strategy session.

3 Hours — $300

5 Hours — $500

How It Works

  1. Purchase the number of mentoring hours you would like.

  2. After purchase, use the schedule to book your session.

  3. Choose an available session time that works for you.

  4. We meet online for focused one-to-one mentoring.

A Few Boundaries

Private Mentoring is professional mentoring and support. It is not psychotherapy, crisis intervention, legal advice, or medical care.

Mentoring hours cover scheduled session time and any substantial review, preparation, or feedback agreed upon in advance.

Extended correspondence, document review, or work completed outside of scheduled sessions may be deducted from purchased mentoring hours where applicable.

Sessions may be rescheduled with at least 24 hours' notice. Missed sessions or late cancellations may be counted as used mentoring time.

Purchased mentoring hours should be used within six months unless otherwise agreed.

Need More Than an Hour?

If you are looking for deeper, ongoing support, a structured mentorship, or a private intensive, you may be better suited to a Coherence Experience program.

Hourly mentoring is designed for focused access without requiring a larger commitment.

Purchase your mentoring hours below and schedule when you are ready.

What might change in your life if you understood that you have been trying to navigate distortion from inside the very conditions shaping your confusion?

We are often told to look inward when something in our lives feels wrong.

Regulate yourself.
Change your mindset.
Establish a better routine.
Become more resilient.
Try harder not to react.

But thousands of years of tradition would argue otherwise…

Are you ready to explore some of the ways Buddhism - and not the wellness world neo-colonial version - but with someone who has studied personally and academically for over 20 yrs combined - can be applied to your modern contemporary life in tangible ways?

Are you ready to start living your life with some direction?

Peace?

Softness?

Curiosity?

Adventure?

This might just be for you!

Embodied Educational Experiences

A School for the Life You Are Actually Living.

History. Pilgrimage. Spirituality. Human transformation.

Emerald Goddess International is a global school for people who are no longer interested in collecting information, consuming spirituality, or paying coaches to tell them what they already know.

We study.

We practice.

We travel.

We test what we think we know against the conditions of actual life.

This is embodied education.

EGI combines rigorous curriculum, high-touch coaching, historical and religious study, embodied practice, community, and international pilgrimage into one integrated educational experience.

Not a retreat.

Not a certification mill.

Not another weekend transformation.

A school. A cohort. A body of knowledge. A way of living.

KNOWING SOMETHING IS NOT THE SAME AS LIVING IT.

You can understand boundaries intellectually and still abandon yourself in a relationship.

You can study nervous-system regulation and remain in an environment that keeps your body on alert.

You can talk about spirituality while repeatedly ignoring what reality is showing you.

You can become certified as a coach without ever developing the discernment, integrity, historical literacy, or self-awareness required to responsibly guide another person.

Information alone does not transform us.

Transformation requires context.

Practice.

Feedback.

Relationship.

Application.

And sometimes, it requires leaving the room entirely and encountering the world differently.

That is what EGI is built to do.

WHERE HISTORY MEETS TRAVEL MEETS HUMAN TRANSFORMATION.

EGI programs bring together three forms of education that are usually kept separate:

Intellectual

History, religion, Buddhism, Indic goddess traditions, cultural studies, philosophy, power, ethics, and the historical conditions that shape how human beings understand themselves and the world.

Embodied

The body as evidence.

Pattern recognition.

Environment.

Relationships.

Behaviour.

Congruence between what you say, what you believe, and how you actually live.

Experiential

Pilgrimage.

Sacred landscapes.

Historical sites.

Cultural encounter.

Travel as a method of inquiry rather than consumption.

We do not travel to escape our lives.

We travel to see them differently.

THE EGI METHOD

Every EGI Experience combines curriculum + transformation.

Participants move through a structured course before travelling together internationally.

That means when we arrive at Borobudur, a temple, a pilgrimage route, a sacred landscape, or a ritual environment, we are not simply looking at something beautiful.

We have already built the intellectual and experiential framework required to understand what we are encountering.

And then we ask the question most personal-development work avoids:

What if the problem is not inside you?

What if your environment is shaping your nervous system, your choices, your relationships, your health, and your sense of possibility?

What if you do not need to keep looking inward for the answer?

Sometimes transformation does not require deeper self-analysis.

Sometimes it requires changing the room.

Leaving the relationship.

Questioning the culture.

Reconsidering the work.

Moving toward people, places, and conditions that make a different life possible.

Your environment matters.

We do not travel to escape ourselves.

We travel to stop mistaking adaptation for identity — and to see what becomes possible when the conditions around us change.

HIGH-TOUCH BY DESIGN.

EGI is deliberately small.

Most cohorts are limited to six participants.

Because transformation cannot be mass-produced.

You are not disappearing into a portal containing forty hours of prerecorded video.

You are known here.

Your patterns are known.

Your contradictions become visible.

Your questions evolve.

And you receive feedback while the work is actually happening.

Depending on the program, your experience may include:

  • Weekly live teaching

  • Hot-seat coaching

  • Small mastermind and integration pods

  • Real-time feedback

  • Individual coaching support

  • Structured modules and supplemental materials

  • Weekly reflection and assessment

  • Guest teachers and specialists

  • Cohort discussion

  • Applied assignments

  • International pilgrimage

  • Certification

  • Graduate community

  • Long-term follow-up

White-glove education with actual intellectual substance.

THE CORE CURRICULUM

Every EGI program is built around an evolving interdisciplinary curriculum.

Subjects may include:

Buddhism and Buddhist philosophy

Dependent arising, perception, suffering, ethics, impermanence, non-self, pilgrimage, ritual, sacred geography, Buddhist history and lived traditions.

Indic Goddesses and Goddess Traditions

Śākta traditions, Devī, Kālī, embodiment, ritual, power, possession, healing, colonialism, gender, Tantra, sacred landscapes, and the enormous distance between historical traditions and contemporary spiritual marketing.

History and Cultural Literacy

Religion does not exist outside politics, geography, colonialism, economics, gender, institutions, or history.

Neither do you.

We learn to read context.

The Body as Barometer™

Learning to recognize bodily, behavioural, relational, and environmental information before explaining it away.

Congruence and Integrity

Closing the distance between what you claim to value and what your life demonstrates.

Discernment

How to evaluate teachers, traditions, relationships, claims, environments, opportunities, and your own interpretations more carefully.

Human Patterns

Attachment.

Adaptation.

Identity.

Power.

Boundaries.

Meaning-making.

Relationship dynamics.

Repeated environments.

The stories we build around all of them.

Spiritual Literacy

Not spirituality stripped of history and repackaged as aesthetics.

We study traditions in context — and examine what happens when religious concepts migrate into modern wellness, coaching, and self-development culture.

EDUCATION SHOULD CHANGE SOMETHING.

EGI is not interested in producing participants who can repeat the vocabulary.

We are interested in whether you can use it.

Throughout the program, participants are asked to apply what they are studying to their actual lives.

Your relationships.

Your work.

Your decisions.

Your environment.

Your leadership.

Your habits.

Your contradictions.

Your future.

This is why EGI combines structured coursework with coaching.

The classroom gives us concepts.

Coaching exposes application.

Pilgrimage changes the conditions.

Together, they create an educational environment where insight can become behaviour.

2027: THE PILGRIMAGE YEAR

In 2027, EGI becomes international.

Each Experience combines pre-travel education with carefully designed field study and pilgrimage.

JAVA — BOROBUDUR

REGISTRATION OPEN NOW - CLOSES OCT 22

Course begins November 1, 2026 [to be confirmed]
Travel: January 2027 [to be confirmed]
Maximum cohort: 6

An eight-week interdisciplinary course culminating in an immersive educational journey through Central Java.

Borobudur becomes more than a destination.

We examine Buddhism, pilgrimage, sacred architecture, cosmology, history, embodiment, ritual, power, and the relationship between knowledge and lived experience before encountering the landscape itself.

Participants will study together for eight weeks before travelling to Java as a cohort.

The program includes:

  • Eight weeks of curriculum

  • Weekly live classes

  • Weekly coaching and hot-seat sessions

  • Cohort mastermind work

  • Integration pods

  • Assessments throughout the program

  • Supplemental readings and teaching materials

  • Guided preparation for pilgrimage

  • International field experience

  • Post-travel integration

  • EGI certification upon successful completion

One scholarship is available for every EGI Experience. Applications are upon request.

[Register for Java ]

THE 2027 EGI PILGRIMAGE SERIES

JAVA

Borobudur & Central Java

Buddhism, sacred architecture, pilgrimage, history, perception, and transformation.

BALI

Nyepi

Silence, ritual, community, cosmology, purification, disruption, and what becomes visible when an entire environment changes.

JAPAN

Sakura & Goshuin

Pilgrimage, Buddhist and Shintō landscapes, sacred material culture, memory, ritual practice, and the meaning we attach to place.

Omitzutori is a Japanese term associated with the practice of releasing, surrendering, or letting go of what no longer serves you. It suggests a deliberate movement away from attachment, control, and outdated identities so that something more honest can emerge.

Rather than treating release as passive resignation, Omitzutori frames it as an active spiritual and embodied practice. It asks you to notice what you are carrying, understand why you have held onto it, and decide whether it still belongs in the life you are creating.

Omitzutori may involve releasing:

  • Old identities

  • Inherited expectations

  • Repetitive relationship patterns

  • Fear-based decisions

  • Attachments to certainty

  • Environments that keep you small

  • Stories that once protected you but now limit you

  • The need to be understood by everyone

  • The belief that transformation must be comfortable

The practice is not about rejecting your past. It is about meeting it honestly, learning what it has taught you, and allowing your next chapter to be shaped by conscious choice rather than unconscious repetition.

Omitzutori asks:

What are you ready to stop carrying?

What would become possible if you no longer organized your life around what you are afraid to lose?

Who might you become when you release the version of yourself that was built only to survive?

INDIA

Goddess, Ritual & Embodiment

Indic goddess traditions, sacred landscapes, ritual practice, history, gender, power, embodiment, and the complicated relationship between tradition and the modern spiritual imagination.

These are not tours.

They are educational pilgrimages.

GRADUATION IS NOT THE END.

EGI is being built as a long-term intellectual and transformational community.

Graduates will be invited into the EGI Graduate Community, with opportunities for continued study, coaching, travel, and collaboration.

Graduate membership will include:

  • Two live community calls each month

  • Ongoing coaching and integration

  • Guest teachers

  • Advanced discussions

  • New supplemental curriculum

  • Preferred pricing on future EGI Experiences

  • Graduate-only opportunities

  • Continued accountability around congruence and integrity

  • Annual follow-up

  • Access to the year-end EGI gathering

And each year concludes with an EGI Annual Retreat, available exclusively to participants and graduates of the school.

Because the point is not to manufacture a dramatic breakthrough and send you home.

The point is to build a life capable of holding what you learned.

FOR COACHES, LEADERS, TEACHERS — AND PEOPLE WHO REFUSE TO LIVE UNEXAMINED LIVES.

The personal-development industry has a credibility problem.

Certification is easy to buy.

Language is easy to imitate.

Spirituality is easy to perform.

Integrity is harder.

EGI does not train people to become louder experts.

We cultivate people who can think historically, recognize context, tolerate complexity, question their own interpretations, understand power, work with human beings responsibly, and notice when their behaviour contradicts their philosophy.

For coaches and practitioners, that matters.

For leaders, it matters.

For parents, partners, founders, teachers, creators, and anyone making consequential decisions, it matters.

Your life is the practicum.

BODY. INTELLECT. WORLD.

Most education addresses the intellect.

Much of the wellness industry addresses the self.

EGI works with a larger field.

Body.

What are you actually sensing?

Mind.

How are you interpreting what is happening?

History.

What existed before you arrived?

Environment.

What conditions are shaping the person you become here?

Relationship.

What becomes possible — or impossible — around particular people?

Culture.

Which ideas are yours, and which were inherited?

Action.

Does the way you live match what you say you know?

This is holistic development without abandoning rigor.

Spirituality without abandoning history.

Coaching without pretending context does not matter.

Education without pretending knowledge belongs only in a classroom.

THIS IS EMERALD GODDESS INTERNATIONAL.

A school without four walls.

A curriculum that moves through countries.

A community built around scholarship, embodiment, integrity, discernment, and lived transformation.

We study traditions seriously.

We question modern assumptions.

We examine ourselves without making ourselves the center of everything.

And then we go into the world and see what survives contact with reality.

THE SCHOOL OPENS FALL 2026.

First cohort: Java — Borobudur.

Eight weeks.

Six participants.

One international pilgrimage.

And a very different way of learning.

Private Mentoring
$100.00

$100/hr

please choose the number of hours you would like to purchase below.

Why Buddhism?

Buddhism:

Why do we suffer?

Why are we so often unable to see clearly the conditions producing that suffering?

How do perception, attachment, habit, action, and environment shape what we experience as reality?

How do we distinguish what is occurring from the stories, fears, expectations, and inherited patterns through which we interpret it?

And once something has become visible, how does insight become conduct?

In this experience, Buddhist teachings are not presented as doctrines you must accept.You are not being asked to become Buddhist.

The teachings are used as tools for examining perception, conditioning, attachment, impermanence, action, and the relationship between insight and daily life.

  • "... by staying with me [in that moment] you gave me the support I needed. It was not really anything you said or did, but rather just by being there..."

    T. Harker